Rewrite! (First Post for feedback yay)

[milo]

Hello and welcome to the site.  I am only going to respond to your first poem here.  I will try to loop back and respond to the second later if I have time.

I have two pieces that are related and I need some input on how to merge them. Thank you!
~~~

Michael

I put you on a pedestal even Gods wouldn't reach.

"put you on a pedestal" is cliche.  "Gods wouldn't reach doesn't really help even if it wasn't cliche - we all know what it means to "put on a pedestal".

Now you're gone and I have just a few memories
of when you wooed me with your silly smile
your musical charm and every time I said yes
to your beer night I meant yes to wanting you.

This whole section here is rather prosaic.  It reads more like a diary entry than poetry.  There is nothing really special about the verbiage, the imagery, the line breaks - really anything.

But you didn't date friends, like my senior prom date
and now you're gone, asleep forever
torn from my life without warning
leaving me wondering who you really were
and why I didn't know your faults
or maybe I just ignored them.

"torn from my life without warning" - "didn't know your faults"  - these are more tired phrases piled on but never really developed.  Why would it be important for our narrator to know the "faults"? How does this connect to the poem?

hmm - it actually it continues as more of a diary entry.  I don't ever develop either positive or negative feelings for your narrator or for the object of their love as they are never really developed.  There is nothing to distinguish them from every other couple on the planet.

i think you should consider developing this through imagery instead of tired cliches and platitudes.  I also think you might want to consider using more interesting language, sonics, etc.

Good luck!