06-05-2015, 02:29 PM
(06-02-2015, 09:58 PM)Municipal Alchemist Wrote: Thanks for the feedback! Very glad to hear your two interesting perspectives about the theme.Yep, I could definitely buy into one last stanza. I suggested the retooling because the poem seems unresolved/unfinished, and I can't really pinpoint why (the stanza definitely feels like it finishes nicely with those last 2 lines, just not the poem).
Em- What do you think a retooling of the last lines, or a fifth stanza, should focus on? Is there a particular thread (harharhar) that you don't find closed? I really like the sound of the last few lines (and it seems billy does too!) but I agree that it falls flat in its content. I'd probably opt for one last stanza because of that.
-Em
-"You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital."
--"A hospital? What is it?"
-"It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now."
--"A hospital? What is it?"
-"It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now."