06-05-2015, 11:13 AM
Thanks for your feedback! I think it will help me strengthen the poem. I agree that there are some strophes I could cut. Before I posted this I thought there were some parts that were not contributing to the impact of the poem, but I wasn't sure what specifically to take out, so you helped me with that. As for the idea of the room, I think I should only use it as part of the setting, so I will keep "the room is dark" to establish the circumstances that the people are in but I will change "The room is a storm and so are we" to just "we are a storm." I think I will drop the Cyan as well. Honestly I mainly added it because I couldn't decide if I should call the rain blue or call the lightening blue. I will just call the lightening blue. Thanks for your comments on the first poem I put on the site!