06-04-2015, 09:54 PM
Hello!
I think this piece is complete without that last line. Three lines, 14 words, ending with a "tickless watch" - brilliant.
I am a huge fan of short poems, because every word is a strategic choice and must be essential to get the point across.
The alliteration and assonance, along with the internal slant rhyme is just eerie -
CREE CREE
ST FF FF FF
GL S CKSS TCH...
It sounds like something trying to escape - just beautiful music here.
Very well done.
I think this piece is complete without that last line. Three lines, 14 words, ending with a "tickless watch" - brilliant.
I am a huge fan of short poems, because every word is a strategic choice and must be essential to get the point across.
The alliteration and assonance, along with the internal slant rhyme is just eerie -
CREE CREE
ST FF FF FF
GL S CKSS TCH...
It sounds like something trying to escape - just beautiful music here.
Very well done.
(06-04-2015, 08:30 AM)Qdeathstar Wrote: A creaking creeping shadow
stiff against the freezing fog
glares at a tickless watch.
Time has failed him -- all things shall pass.
~~~
DivineMsEmm / aka Emily Vieweg
Blog
Poetry is a matter of life, not just a matter of language. ~~ Lucille Clifton
DivineMsEmm / aka Emily Vieweg
Blog
Poetry is a matter of life, not just a matter of language. ~~ Lucille Clifton