06-02-2015, 09:58 PM
Thanks for the feedback! Very glad to hear your two interesting perspectives about the theme.
Em- What do you think a retooling of the last lines, or a fifth stanza, should focus on? Is there a particular thread (harharhar) that you don't find closed? I really like the sound of the last few lines (and it seems billy does too!) but I agree that it falls flat in its content. I'd probably opt for one last stanza because of that.
billy- An ex mill worker! I'm very glad (and kind of shocked) that you like how I did the sound! I have no such experience, so it was a shot in the dark. The fabric tracks and the click-clack were intended to create a double image of industrial trains along with the looms, but I don't see much train in there looking back. That could probably be something to exploit for a new stanza.
Your language questions: Yes, I do mean hugging the bends. A meandering river is a specific kind that folds back on itself over and over. And for the title, in the US, the "downtown" is the area in the middle of a city with all the skyscrapers. I believe the first usage was talking about Manhattan, and I know European cities are generally not built as tall, so the term probably doesn't fit well there. (and if you know what it is I apologize for being patronizing!) Urban form is a huge topic in my poetry, so my title is meant to use the textile industry to modify and explain how the city is.
Em- What do you think a retooling of the last lines, or a fifth stanza, should focus on? Is there a particular thread (harharhar) that you don't find closed? I really like the sound of the last few lines (and it seems billy does too!) but I agree that it falls flat in its content. I'd probably opt for one last stanza because of that.
billy- An ex mill worker! I'm very glad (and kind of shocked) that you like how I did the sound! I have no such experience, so it was a shot in the dark. The fabric tracks and the click-clack were intended to create a double image of industrial trains along with the looms, but I don't see much train in there looking back. That could probably be something to exploit for a new stanza.
Your language questions: Yes, I do mean hugging the bends. A meandering river is a specific kind that folds back on itself over and over. And for the title, in the US, the "downtown" is the area in the middle of a city with all the skyscrapers. I believe the first usage was talking about Manhattan, and I know European cities are generally not built as tall, so the term probably doesn't fit well there. (and if you know what it is I apologize for being patronizing!) Urban form is a huge topic in my poetry, so my title is meant to use the textile industry to modify and explain how the city is.