06-02-2015, 11:20 AM
Map man,
Over winter break, I found myself in Kairouan, Tunisia, a city famous for being the 3rd holiest city in Islam (behind Mecca and Jerusalem) and for its textiles. It's really awesome seeing that contrasted with american pastoral in your poem, and though I've never been to Rhode Island, I feel like I'm there when reading this piece which is awesome.
As for the nuts and bolts, your control of language is immaculate as always, and though some might go after you for lack of punctuation, I am not one of those people. The one qualm I have is the last two lines don't really resolve the poem for me, and I'm looking for more, perhaps another stanza, a couple more lines, or just a re-tooling of the last two lines. And when editing this, I'd ask you to remember one thing: Patiency is a virtue.
Best,
Em
P.s. I know Em is a pseudonym, but it's ok to use male pronouns.
Over winter break, I found myself in Kairouan, Tunisia, a city famous for being the 3rd holiest city in Islam (behind Mecca and Jerusalem) and for its textiles. It's really awesome seeing that contrasted with american pastoral in your poem, and though I've never been to Rhode Island, I feel like I'm there when reading this piece which is awesome.
As for the nuts and bolts, your control of language is immaculate as always, and though some might go after you for lack of punctuation, I am not one of those people. The one qualm I have is the last two lines don't really resolve the poem for me, and I'm looking for more, perhaps another stanza, a couple more lines, or just a re-tooling of the last two lines. And when editing this, I'd ask you to remember one thing: Patiency is a virtue.
Best,
Em
P.s. I know Em is a pseudonym, but it's ok to use male pronouns.
-"You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital."
--"A hospital? What is it?"
-"It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now."
--"A hospital? What is it?"
-"It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now."