06-02-2015, 10:56 AM
RN,
I loved Nampy didn't you! Milo had some great prompts, and since Merc (that whore who I adore) lives in the future and is also a poetic genius, I think she pushed us as well to write fantastically. I can't be too critical of this particular work, because I simply adore it. Yes, it is repetitive, but it is so in a purposeful, metered way. (although like the above crits, I think you could drop the 2nd today in s1)
I personally have no issue with the imagery being mostly abstract--the birth of a universe and the birth of a human are wonderfully abstract concepts when you consider them in a philosophical manner.
So I may just be rambling but I'm here to say no matter how you go in your revisions, keep the heart of this one what it is...because its brilliant.
cheers,
mel.
I loved Nampy didn't you! Milo had some great prompts, and since Merc (that whore who I adore) lives in the future and is also a poetic genius, I think she pushed us as well to write fantastically. I can't be too critical of this particular work, because I simply adore it. Yes, it is repetitive, but it is so in a purposeful, metered way. (although like the above crits, I think you could drop the 2nd today in s1)
I personally have no issue with the imagery being mostly abstract--the birth of a universe and the birth of a human are wonderfully abstract concepts when you consider them in a philosophical manner.
So I may just be rambling but I'm here to say no matter how you go in your revisions, keep the heart of this one what it is...because its brilliant.
cheers,
mel.