Petals

[addy]

It might be just me but I found it too wordy? I don't mean that the lines are too long (indeed, some of the best poetry is very wordy) but that I found some of your phrases and sentences a little long-winded (then again, maybe I'm just not a fan of too many adjectives).

That said, your imagery was beautiful and I loved that ending. It gave me chills in a good way, it was striking and haunting and original. Very good work with this one.

Still white fire of pearl spring petals
fluttering away in another autumn
There in the haze of long western light
sleepily glowing above the cliffs you
reminded me of a fallen nestling and
I held you in my hands like a stunned sparrow

marveling the speed at which you fell
after your budding, the branch shaking
away everything without moving at all
in piles of petals like pink-frayed feathers
It is said even now you are rotting
all ship-wrecked in a green bladed sea
sinking into the ocean you will become