Black Bile

[RiverNotch]

Same as Ella, I got nothing. I'm basing this piece of feedback off of your comments, Mr. Creosote, since, for the most part, it's the only way I can get this.

The Sheol of the living Alright.
Contorted reason turned inward At this point, you seem to be getting somewhere. I read a commentary on ill-begotten navel-gazing, turning the whole world into some sick, deathly place -- but then....
The mind is the cause Reason may be part of the mind, but that's not something you need to state. Of course the mind is the cause; without a mind, there would be no reason in the first place. Question is, what kind of mind?
It is hard to understand its apathy "Contorted reason" means reason gone wrong, aka stupid thoughts, but stupidity does not always equal pain. 

Transformed into a walking shade In the land of the dead, all beings are walking shades. I don't see the point of this.
The outside world fades It's been gray since the first line.
Circular trenchant thoughts The one line that supports the first two well.
Self-loathing absorption A meh conclusion to an unset point. This could be better shown than said.


Black Bile = Melancholy. Being straight up would be better, I think; the title's too esoteric to strike up the thought immediately, and actual images of Black Bile don't ever get into the work.