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Mum's stained glass - edit #1
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05-14-2015, 08:09 AM
A much improved version, I would say. The change to "my letters arrived" means that there aren't two stanzas starting with "I", which shifts the focus back to the mother. Bookending with tea is actually a lot better than I thought it would be, because of your sensitive handling.
This is as close to a complete poem as I've seen for a long time.
It could be worse
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Mum's stained glass - edit #1 - by just mercedes - 05-02-2015, 07:07 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - by Leanne - 05-02-2015, 07:45 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - by just mercedes - 05-02-2015, 08:30 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - by Leanne - 05-02-2015, 08:42 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - by Leanne - 05-02-2015, 08:42 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - by Todd - 05-02-2015, 01:12 PM
RE: Mum's stained glass - by just mercedes - 05-02-2015, 01:27 PM
RE: Mum's stained glass - by Todd - 05-02-2015, 01:38 PM
RE: Mum's stained glass - edit #1 - by just mercedes - 05-13-2015, 11:58 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - edit #1 - by Todd - 05-14-2015, 12:43 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - edit #1 - by Leanne - 05-14-2015, 08:09 AM
RE: Mum's stained glass - edit #1 - by just mercedes - 05-14-2015, 08:28 AM
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