05-14-2015, 12:43 AM
Hi Mercedes,
I think the revision has a better sense of closure now. You have more of a sense of where the pain is. Much stronger. You also made a few slight adjustments in the wording (cutting spent, dealing with the letters, etc); I found all of your choices superior to the original. It feels like a very strong piece now.
Best,
Todd
I think the revision has a better sense of closure now. You have more of a sense of where the pain is. Much stronger. You also made a few slight adjustments in the wording (cutting spent, dealing with the letters, etc); I found all of your choices superior to the original. It feels like a very strong piece now.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson