05-14-2015, 12:10 AM
As you have a free verse beginning here, meaning your ideas are flowing more than your concern for the gritty details, what would you think about something still not tied to details, but more in the way of tightening thoughts, aesthetic perception to name a few. Ask yourself... can a scalpel loosen, sure, I suppose, but what are scalpel’s known to do... cut! If you tightened your most dramatic opportunity to "hook" the reader, would it sound more intriguing if you were cutting, slicing, tearing through curiosity with your scalpel, your time ripping implement of discovery, or would you prefer to read that your scalpel were kind of fishing on the riverbank, taking it easy as it "loosens the flesh" of pre-history, of myth. Words are your tools, as much as a scalpel might be a tool. They can help you, or they can really help you. So, it might just be that, that scalpel wants to be a scalpel, and cut! Maybe that line really wants to sing, it wants to tell the world its going to cut! Cut, into the very fleshy meat of time ridden ways, of gargantuan tales.
The scalpel cuts through the flesh of myth, [scalpel is your object, why not THE scalpel, not just "A" scalpel]
constantly digging to find the hidden relief [whether relief is a play on one of its meanings or not this works]
under the layers of soft humanity.
It’s a start, something to consider, nothing major.
The scalpel cuts through the flesh of myth, [scalpel is your object, why not THE scalpel, not just "A" scalpel]
constantly digging to find the hidden relief [whether relief is a play on one of its meanings or not this works]
under the layers of soft humanity.
It’s a start, something to consider, nothing major.