Breaking the Bough

[Todd]

Hi Mark,

I've appreciated all of your critiquing on the site so far. Let me take a pass at your poem.

Let's start with the title: Breaking the Bough. This makes me think of the old Rock-a-bye baby nursery rhyme. Possibly something to do with a loss of security in childhood, some sort of upheaval. This is what I'm bringing to the poem.

Strange, strange day.--As first lines go, this feels a bit flat. So, I'm being told that the day has an element of strangeness to it. What I would expect to see after this opening is possibly some imagery that would explode into something weird. The following lines feel a bit tame for the opening.
What need could there be,
To tear out your soul for scrutiny?--The soul can often be an overused phrase. There's a part of me that feels this could be developed into an interesting image but is at this point a bit of a shorthand question. I'm not going to pay much attention to rhyme in my illustration because I'm not really suggesting substitutions just trying to illustrate what I'm getting at. Example: What need could there be/to place fishhooks in our soul
Given free will but then given no choices,--Again this might be stronger as a specific choice and not a philosophical proposition. Though the contrast your going for seems sound.
The unified strains of a million voices--So, maybe preexistence of the soul?
Ask, "reason or treason,--So to act with reason is to be treasonous? Science vs faith perhaps
For which to let go,
The very last strand of the life that you know”?--This makes me think of an umbilical cord prior to birth
Tied to the quay of my still beating heart,--Quay is a nice word.
My anchor stone of truth.--These of constructions happen and sometimes they work, but it tends to work better by drawing the imagery out more precisely. the of truth type things tend to be a shorthand. We all use them from time to time, there's just probably something better.

Why shake me? why break me?
Why take me apart?
What truth could be put upon show?
That for this truth, you would die and desist?--Consecutive questions are less powerful than statements. Just something to think about. Again also there are a lot abstract ideas you are touching on truth here love in the next line. Find a way to ground this with more concrete imagery. A proposition or a question will lack the emotive power you need for connection with the reader.
We did it for you love,
For you, they insist.
For you love, we just had to know.--What they need to know is interesting but without the imagery it feels a bit cryptic on my read.

No smiles for that camera,
No lies for that crowd.
No up, no down, no quiet nor loud,
And doing their deeds the foul demons avowed
“The only way back is undone”!--The foul demons sort of came out of nowhere here. I didn't make the connection. Not saying there isn't one.

Undo they did,--The syntax feels a bit strained here.
As my mind detached,
Watching the scene as their vile plots hatched.--This is just telling me things. Vile plots feels like a type of shorthand.
I open my mouth, but I don't have my lips.
I don't have my eyes or my fingertips.
I can't feel my feet
Nor my breath expand.
I wander untethered through featureless land.--I sort of like the language of feel of these last five lines.
Yet hidden, I keep in my still beating heart,
My fire stone of youth.--again "of youth" There is a better way look for it.

Suddenly, everything stops.--Again just stating a fact.
My all in a bubble that pops.--The phrasing seems a bit awkward.
As I fall through the air,
The sky's ripping a tear
In my dreaming, and every limb flops.

Then--Not a fan of this one word stanza transition. I don't think it's needed.

Awakened, in puddles of mucus and blood
I lay, as the newly born child.--as suggests a simile
Wondering why and half drowned in the mud,
But feeling the call of the wild.--call of the wild is cliche. There should be better choices you can find.

Slowly and haze filled,--Try to incorporate these ideas into the next line. Two modifiers can probably be pared down or captured in the image.
The turn of the world
Is recalling me, back from the edge.
Sun rising, air chilled,
The future unfurled
In my beating heart, making its pledge.--Making its pledge is nice given that the future unfurls  like a flag.

It's come, I can feel it,
The day of my birth.
The day of the ever long searching for worth.
The day of new stepping upon this green earth,--This triple rhyme is giving this a sing-song read to me. 
And of touching a heart with my hand.

Why shake me? why break me?
Why take me apart?
Well isn't it obvious now?
So that none in your world could deny you exist!
We did it for you love,
For you wished this tryst.
For you love are breaking the bough.--This reads awkwardly.

There's a lot here, and I probably didn't address enough of it yet, but I hope my first pass gives you things to consider and helps in some way.

Best,

Todd