Hail Marie vers. 2 mercedes

[billy]

i have no idea what the form is or if it is a form.
i like the idea/concept of it. the refrains work well and punch home points made, though i think they'd work better with bit of variation.
however i have a couple of niggles. i can't stop wanting to see it in couplet format. and while such sadness allows for an odd cliche. you have some pretty large ones here. in the first couple you have a quite rage at her death after that the 2nd line refrains become less angry and more memorable. i wonder if it would be better continuing the anger right to penultimate couplet.

Marie died a week ago.
I can't let go.I can't let go.
I loved her when hair turned grey.
Like yesterday.Like yesterday.
I touched her hand and stroked her brow.
A memory now. A memory now.
We said goodbye, we cried for you.
Friends loved you, too, they loved you, too.
Alone now with your photograph.
I hear you laugh. I hear you laugh.
To sleep I hold your pillow tight.
Alone at  night. Alone at  night.
In chill dawn air I make  believe.
I hear you breathe. I hear you breathe.
I doze beside you in the shade .
A dream we made. A dream we made.

Marie died a week ago
but still I see her hair of grey, is but needed?
and touch her hand and stroke her brow.
Her photograph is on the bed
propped on her pillow by my head. very sad. [in an an emotional way]
I cried last night for me, not her.
In every moment she is there.
In dreams you sigh, "Remember me".
I do, I do, my Hail Marie. while i like the feeling of vows being remembered. hail marie feels gimmicky.
tectak 2015

Original
Mary died a week ago.
I can't let go.I can't let go.
I loved her when hair turned grey.
Like yesterday.Like yesterday.
I touched her hand and stroked her brow.
A memory now. A memory now.
We said goodbye and cried for you.
Friends loved you, too, they loved you, too.
Alone now with your photograph.
I hear you laugh. I hear you laugh.
I sleep and hold the pillow tight.
Alone at  night. Alone at  night.
In chill dawn air I make  believe.
I hear you breathe. I hear you breathe.
I doze beside you in the shade .
A dream we made. A dream we made.
Mary died a week ago
but still I see her hair of grey,
and touch her hand
and stroke her brow.
Her photograph is on the bed
propped on her pillow by my head.
How I cried last night for her
yet in each moment she is there.
A dream we made. Remember me.
And I do, my Hail Mary.
tectak 2015