05-11-2015, 05:17 AM
Hi Wjames,
I like the sentiment of your piece and having read your explanation, I now understand it a little better. I have to say I feel exactly the same about being expected to have a good time just because it's a big holiday or such.
As far as the piece is concerned, I felt as though I were reading an excerpt from a bigger work and not the whole thing.
The title is good in itself, but I did struggle a tad to connect it to the piece as if again I were missing some chunk of text.
You say in your reply to i.might.be.a.bit.sad., that the holidays are meant to represent the obligations, in this vein, it might be better to use a full stop at the end of you first line, this might clear up that confusion.
I hope you don't mind my commenting like this, these are only my observations on first reading your piece.
best regards
Mark
I like the sentiment of your piece and having read your explanation, I now understand it a little better. I have to say I feel exactly the same about being expected to have a good time just because it's a big holiday or such.
As far as the piece is concerned, I felt as though I were reading an excerpt from a bigger work and not the whole thing.
The title is good in itself, but I did struggle a tad to connect it to the piece as if again I were missing some chunk of text.
You say in your reply to i.might.be.a.bit.sad., that the holidays are meant to represent the obligations, in this vein, it might be better to use a full stop at the end of you first line, this might clear up that confusion.
I hope you don't mind my commenting like this, these are only my observations on first reading your piece.
best regards
Mark