05-08-2015, 02:21 AM
I feel like some more imagery could be used, you could 'show' the reader more of the extent of the feelings in this poems rather than 'telling' them.
"I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks."
This line feels a little off to me, it kinda stands out in a rough way from the rest of the poem.
"The night I tried to die,
I got a new life.
I don't think I like this one, either."
I feel like there should be something in between here, or somewhere, of more of an explanation of how the previous life was.
"I don't think I like this one, either."
This is probably one of the best parts, it gives a bit of a foreboding feeling, as if the character is going to do it again.
Overall, it's a great poem, and I enjoyed reading it very much
"I shake and shudder, salt crusting my cheeks."
This line feels a little off to me, it kinda stands out in a rough way from the rest of the poem.
"The night I tried to die,
I got a new life.
I don't think I like this one, either."
I feel like there should be something in between here, or somewhere, of more of an explanation of how the previous life was.
"I don't think I like this one, either."
This is probably one of the best parts, it gives a bit of a foreboding feeling, as if the character is going to do it again.
Overall, it's a great poem, and I enjoyed reading it very much