05-02-2015, 02:37 AM
End of third verse is very Beatles-like
Not sure the non resolution at the end does much good, nor the repetition of the second verse.
I would have difficulty critiquing your lyrics as I am not a member of your target audience. I don't mean to be unkind, but I was in the music business for a while, both in performance and production and to me it is just more of the same. Alice Cooper was doing the same thing 45 years ago, with much better production values, and better lyrics, but mainly 45 years before you. Maybe you should try to write meaningful lyrics, rather than just try and copy a style that was already old before you were born, or at least try and bring something new to the genre. Right now you are just following along in the same old rut, with I guess a little bit of an emo twist to it, but even that is not new. You know, pretending to be fascinated with insanity, or romanticizing insanity isn't really all that cool, it just lets anyone older than mid twenties or so, know you don't have any real experience with this. Maybe you can rise above the usual teen to twenties pablum and write lyrics of more value. Hey, I know, the age group you're targeting; just some creepy words, a weird voice, some synth and everything's fine, it's also very transient, but hey, if that's what your going for, then that's your choice (quality is not what necessarily sells). Of course there is that conflict in wanting to write about pain or horror, but never having been through it. "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails has great lyrics because you can tell they aren't made up and because drug addiction, counting alcoholism, is so prevalent most anyone can relate to it from some point of view. To work towards those types of lyrics is what I would suggest you do if you wish to improve on the lyrics end of the process: not so much in the form, but in the content.
Best of luck,
Dale
Not sure the non resolution at the end does much good, nor the repetition of the second verse.
I would have difficulty critiquing your lyrics as I am not a member of your target audience. I don't mean to be unkind, but I was in the music business for a while, both in performance and production and to me it is just more of the same. Alice Cooper was doing the same thing 45 years ago, with much better production values, and better lyrics, but mainly 45 years before you. Maybe you should try to write meaningful lyrics, rather than just try and copy a style that was already old before you were born, or at least try and bring something new to the genre. Right now you are just following along in the same old rut, with I guess a little bit of an emo twist to it, but even that is not new. You know, pretending to be fascinated with insanity, or romanticizing insanity isn't really all that cool, it just lets anyone older than mid twenties or so, know you don't have any real experience with this. Maybe you can rise above the usual teen to twenties pablum and write lyrics of more value. Hey, I know, the age group you're targeting; just some creepy words, a weird voice, some synth and everything's fine, it's also very transient, but hey, if that's what your going for, then that's your choice (quality is not what necessarily sells). Of course there is that conflict in wanting to write about pain or horror, but never having been through it. "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails has great lyrics because you can tell they aren't made up and because drug addiction, counting alcoholism, is so prevalent most anyone can relate to it from some point of view. To work towards those types of lyrics is what I would suggest you do if you wish to improve on the lyrics end of the process: not so much in the form, but in the content.
Best of luck,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.