Woe is Me

[Alexearth]

Hello TimeOut. First of all I have to say, I'm not a big rhyme fan, but this is only a personal view, and a lot of good poetry is written that way (duh). But even with rhymes, punctuation is a must and will help people understand what you are trying to say. Forget the capital letters for each line beginning and use more periods, that will make your poem less dry. Also go to the line only when necessary (not all sentences are well separated). I don't understand all of what you wrote, you need to make the poem clearer, with a solid foundation (at least a clue on what you want to talk about). 
I suggest that you revise your poem and post it here again so we can help you better.

 I hope this will help, good luck! 


Alex