04-28-2015, 03:25 AM
You can feel your fingernails in your arm
But you can’t remember putting them there and
maybe you never did.
It's a stripped down poem, and the three lines above seem to work, as the last lines of the poem have a certain summing up charm.
Some days, you remember that they still exist,
somewhere,
but not where you can find them.
You know they’re still there,
Just not where you can reach them
and that is the worst.
On days like these,
you remember the feeling of your nails in your arm,
but now you have more efficient ways
To cause pain.
You could work those three lines in; but above those is the weakest part of your poem. Bare reporting in stiff, broken sentences. Sometimes stripped and stiff work together, but here you have broken sentences instead of sentences and lines, and they kind of ramble. But you can work with stiff, scratchy, wrinkly lines if you want.
But you can’t remember putting them there and
maybe you never did.
It's a stripped down poem, and the three lines above seem to work, as the last lines of the poem have a certain summing up charm.
Some days, you remember that they still exist,
somewhere,
but not where you can find them.
You know they’re still there,
Just not where you can reach them
and that is the worst.
On days like these,
you remember the feeling of your nails in your arm,
but now you have more efficient ways
To cause pain.
You could work those three lines in; but above those is the weakest part of your poem. Bare reporting in stiff, broken sentences. Sometimes stripped and stiff work together, but here you have broken sentences instead of sentences and lines, and they kind of ramble. But you can work with stiff, scratchy, wrinkly lines if you want.