T-Bone (2.0)

[rayheinrich]

Bodies broken. Bright red
sharpened sirens grating on
head in hands. Atop the hood,
assembly strewn cement
taunts white-knuckles
tearfully.

Hi hopeful,
Post earthquake? If so, why so obscure. As a general observation, poetic imagery is improved  by clarity ( it is a reciprocated arrangement) and made worse by obscurity. Of course, the false universality of the obscure poem (I like to let the reader interpret my work  however  blah....blah....blah) is only ever exceeded by the inability of both reader and writer to communicate in any meaningful ( the mot juste) way. That's how it is.
In this piece there is portraiture. The singularity is excellent. Where it fails is in consistency of detail...as if the original artist went for a piss and somebody else took over, daubing on the canvas out of spite.  The analogy works because the daubing is words...call them brushstrokes. I think an impostor daubed atop, assembly and tearfully.
Best,
tectak.
( If it is not about the recent tragic events in Nepal...well, it is your fault I thought it was.)

hopefularahant:
I just wanted to tell you that tectak's opinion above is one of many. I happen to disagree with
many of his premises. This is to be expected with any art form. One of the things that makes art
interesting is the wide range of its interpretation.

'Obscurity' is not simple, it's composed of many parts. There is no 'false universality' because there
is no 'universality'. There can be no 'universal' poem because there is no 'universal' audience.
I try to write poems that let readers share in the creation; the ones he's skeptical of.

These poems require a creative reader who likes to construct her/his part of the poem. Some people
like red cars and some like blue. Some people like puzzles and some do not. The ambiguity required
for a shared poem is NOT about throwing a bunch of random words on the page. It IS about carefully
crafting a framework of possibilities.

ray