04-26-2015, 11:07 AM
These aren't really meant to be suggestion, just some thoughts that might help stir some ideas.
Dale
____________________________________________________________________________________________
The first two lines should be dropped as they do nothing for the poem and in fact distract from it. Start clean with:
I loved you
like a blind man loves light.
(drop the next line, trust your reader to figure that out)
He doesn't know light can be (terrible)horrible, flashing:
-blue-
-red-
-white-
as you wait to see if it is a child or a lover.
It can be the light under the bathroom door,
the sharp white of desperation,
the anxious color of worry,
or the flashing of the blade in your hand.
I loved you to the extent I could,
knowing all the hurt you would cause.
Dale
____________________________________________________________________________________________
The first two lines should be dropped as they do nothing for the poem and in fact distract from it. Start clean with:
I loved you
like a blind man loves light.
(drop the next line, trust your reader to figure that out)
He doesn't know light can be (terrible)horrible, flashing:
-blue-
-red-
-white-
as you wait to see if it is a child or a lover.
It can be the light under the bathroom door,
the sharp white of desperation,
the anxious color of worry,
or the flashing of the blade in your hand.
I loved you to the extent I could,
knowing all the hurt you would cause.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.