Ms. Kathleen

[billy]

hi tp, we've no problem with swearing etc, if it's on every line add a nsfw or something similar to it. this ones okay

the good thing about is the originality. wasn't keen on the language which seemed arbitrary.
i sort of get the mad woman thing, from the white suit and obama, and shrink's office. for me it read more as prose.
the last stanza also had a strong explanation of the core of the poem. but as stated by another; it doesn't read as poetic.

a suggestion would be to do some minor edits and remove alter some straightness of the narration;

Her New England accent pointed her words
punctuating the southern speech

new england painted her words
punctuating southern speech

i think it has the making of something good. i'd also suggest more use of poetic device. assonance, consonance, alliteration, for sound and metaphor/ simile for imagery. in what ever order or quantity brings out the best of the poem.

welcome to the site

Hey all I'm pretty new here and this is my first submission. Please be honest and don't be afraid to use some terminology(I want to learn these things)

Also there is some profanity and I'm not quite sure how to tag that!

"Ms. Kat'leen! Time for your medicine ! Come own na!"
"Don't interrupt me! Don't fool me"
Her New England accent pointed her words
punctuating the southern speech

She stood, hands held behind her
Debating with President Obama
over foreign policy and last week's Cuban Missile Crisis

Obama's white suit, stoic self, and straight spine,
which held this "home" up since the 70's,
Her white gown, and slippers smelled
of some word ending in "-form"

Two of security guards, Fuck their names,
flexed into the room
a living room with no life
Only heavy breathing
a droned buzz

They pulled her to the shrink's office
I wonder what she saw
Two secret service members
Escorting her to lunch?
Having Lima Beans that give her strength?
She probably had no trouble swallowing them in her youth.

I tried to do something with alliteration, with the repetition of "s", which just seemed to come naturally when writing this(I didn't realize I had done this until after I wrote it) I just wrote in free verse too

Thanks!