Ms. Kathleen

[milo]

Hey all I'm pretty new here and this is my first submission. Please be honest and don't be afraid to use some terminology(I want to learn these things)

Also there is some profanity and I'm not quite sure how to tag that!

"Ms. Kat'leen! Time for your medicine ! Come own na!"
"Don't interrupt me! Don't fool me"
Her New England accent pointed her words
punctuating the southern speech

She stood, hands held behind her
Debating with President Obama
over foreign policy and last week's Cuban Missile Crisis

Obama's white suit, stoic self, and straight spine,
which held this "home" up since the 70's,
Her white gown, and slippers smelled
of some word ending in "-form"

Two of security guards, Fuck their names,
flexed into the room
a living room with no life
Only heavy breathing
a droned buzz

They pulled her to the shrink's office
I wonder what she saw
Two secret service members
Escorting her to lunch?
Having Lima Beans that give her strength?
She probably had no trouble swallowing them in her youth.

I tried to do something with alliteration, with the repetition of "s", which just seemed to come naturally when writing this(I didn't realize I had done this until after I wrote it) I just wrote in free verse too

Thanks!

Hello and welcome to the pigpen.  For me, this does not read as very poetic.  Look what happens if we give it standard line breaks:

"Ms. Kat'leen! Time for your medicine ! Come own na!"

"Don't interrupt me! Don't fool me"
Her New England accent pointed her words punctuating the southern speech. She stood, hands held behind her debating with President Obama over foreign policy and last week's Cuban Missile Crisis Obama's white suit, stoic self, and straight spine, which held this "home" up since the 70's, Her white gown, and slippers smelled of some word ending in "-form" Two of security guards, Fuck their names, flexed into the room a living room with no life Only heavy breathing a droned buzz They pulled her to the shrink's office I wonder what she saw Two secret service members Escorting her to lunch? Having Lima Beans that give her strength? She probably had no trouble swallowing them in her youth. 


Reading it like this also accent that there are some problems with punctuation and grammar.


Thanks for posting.