04-25-2015, 01:44 AM
Quote:There are no shadows, I'm sitting in the soft light,[Soft light seems a tad cliche to me, and this line doesn't really paint a vivid picture to me of the setting or anything]
waiting for my doctor to come.
Just one. All by himself, he comes in,[I fee like this could be shortened]
like I'm not important and he's not afraid
or anything. I could be anyone
or no one.
And he'll just come in and ask a few questions
and look me over, make a new appointment
for a follow-up exam.
But if I was a prisoner, or had some strange rash,
he might take caution, even smile a canned smile,
not real or fake.[I don't really understand this part]
Some really strange rash,
something scary:
even experts don't know everything
and have waited their whole lives for this not to happen,
but are excited and tell their friends.
A lot of "comes" or "comes in" maybe a bit redundant.
I liked how this read though. Some lines were a bit of a mouthful, but I felt it flowed well.
Best

