04-24-2015, 12:13 PM
don't tell a shit of poets what style you write in, you'll get a shit load or replies saying you don't.
after a quick couple of reads it's clear to see the poem is written in the quatrains without a constant meter. see here to know a bit more about basic meter.
the title sort of tells us to expect an archaic style of poetry or period piece which isn't really consistent with the poem. it's a grand day to die works just as well. watch out and if possible steer clear of cliche: No more noble a cause is there
watch out for wordiness or excess fluff: For the battle is oh so near the battle is near
only use refrains to re enforce or add weight to something. finally, add depth to the poems you write. in general your poem feels to be a generic conflict of heroism and bravery. there are no strong images of war.
here's an excerpt from Tennyson's charge of the light brigade. [they had sabres]
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
undefined Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
undefined Rode the six hundred.
the above is just an example of how you can make a poem reek of war in a specific and original way.
after a quick couple of reads it's clear to see the poem is written in the quatrains without a constant meter. see here to know a bit more about basic meter.
the title sort of tells us to expect an archaic style of poetry or period piece which isn't really consistent with the poem. it's a grand day to die works just as well. watch out and if possible steer clear of cliche: No more noble a cause is there
watch out for wordiness or excess fluff: For the battle is oh so near the battle is near
only use refrains to re enforce or add weight to something. finally, add depth to the poems you write. in general your poem feels to be a generic conflict of heroism and bravery. there are no strong images of war.
here's an excerpt from Tennyson's charge of the light brigade. [they had sabres]
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
undefined Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
undefined Rode the six hundred.
the above is just an example of how you can make a poem reek of war in a specific and original way.
(04-24-2015, 04:01 AM)Snarly Locks Wrote: Tis a Grand Day to Die
Gather round all my men
And set your sights on high
For the time has come to set about
Tis a grand day to die
Gather round, all that will
For the battle is oh so near
Stand steady all my friends
For there is nay a reason to fear
Lock and load and cinch up tight
And kiss the ladies bye
For the time has come among us
On this grand day to die
The demons that set our souls afire
And makes the weak ones cry
Stands before us in battle dress
Tis a grand day to die
No more noble a cause is there
Than to raise your saber high
And face death’s troubling ways
On this grand day to die
Fear not what tomorrow brings
Stare today straight in the eye
For it is now that must be dealt with
On this grand day to die !!!!!