04-24-2015, 08:14 AM
I'm almost getting a Gaelic feel from some of the archaic-sounding language. If this is about the Troubles---then I'd think sabers wouldn't be the weapon used so I'm gonna guess maybe Irish Civil War?
That's what ella is talking about I guess..if I'm going to die, I want to know why. Plus almost every war/battle movie ever had this same speech in it somewhere...touting the benefits of death today vs the oppression of evil...blah blah been said a million times. Poetry is all about saying something original in a way that hasn't been done before---and that's why it's so hard to accomplish given that everything's been said before.
Not trying to be discouraging...I'm trying to inspire you to dig deeper into your imagination. Make sense?
It's not bad. A bit of work could make it vastly improved (re: meter and explanation of theme)
If you don't understand meter, think of it as having each line be at least close in the amount of syllables. If you know what iambs are, you start out alternating a tetrameter with trimeter, which is absolutely fine if you keep up that pattern, but you don't. If you don't know what iambs are, feel free to pm me and we can discuss it off thread.
Welcome aboard, looking forward to seeing where this goes and other work from you!
mel.
That's what ella is talking about I guess..if I'm going to die, I want to know why. Plus almost every war/battle movie ever had this same speech in it somewhere...touting the benefits of death today vs the oppression of evil...blah blah been said a million times. Poetry is all about saying something original in a way that hasn't been done before---and that's why it's so hard to accomplish given that everything's been said before.
Not trying to be discouraging...I'm trying to inspire you to dig deeper into your imagination. Make sense?
It's not bad. A bit of work could make it vastly improved (re: meter and explanation of theme)
If you don't understand meter, think of it as having each line be at least close in the amount of syllables. If you know what iambs are, you start out alternating a tetrameter with trimeter, which is absolutely fine if you keep up that pattern, but you don't. If you don't know what iambs are, feel free to pm me and we can discuss it off thread.
Welcome aboard, looking forward to seeing where this goes and other work from you!
mel.