The Wilderness of Your Mind

[hopefularahant]

The Wilderness of Your Mind

I'll repudiate proofs,
Trip up on truths,
And scour the field of your mind;
Amidst the grass so long,
And the sun so strong,
I'm sure somewhere,
what I seek,
I will find.

And whilst you peer
Through the reeds of reverie,
I will delve deeper.
Gone are the fields,
Here is the jungle.
Thick trunks with
Vivacious vines of past times,
Swirling around their branches
So wide, yet so benign,
Prevent my prying,
Cloud my conscience.
So many trees of thought -
So little time!

A sudden snap of a twig
Makes my stomach sick.
Could it be
A panther, preying in the mist
Of your mind,
Or a lion, ready to fight
For your lies,
Or a snake, slithering,
ready to bite.
Alas, it was nothing.
Still nothing,
To find.

As my hope
Wears thin,
My courage abates,
For the night draws near
And soon you might wake.
If you ever found out,
I'd be coloured conceit;
For Nothing is ever found,
No lies, no deceit.

I think that you have a really great metaphor going, the mind being a jungle or field, and you do a good job, it just needs a little work. The stanzas are far too long. You could shorten this poem a ton and make it alot stronger, using only the lines that really get the point across. And also, your missing a rythm or flow to this. If read aloud, it doesnt really flow very well. And i really like your word choice with things like abated, deceit, and repudiate, prying, all these words really work, you just need to shorten this alot and focus on that strength. With any sort of edit, this poem would improve immensly.