Summer in Bed-Stuy

[RiverNotch]

Summer in Bed-Stuy

Step on a crack
You'll break mother's
Back I simply do not like how "back" is put into another line, here. We already know that's the word coming in. As for this whole image, well, I don't see how this relates.....

Chicos
Come eat your hotdogs
Before they get cold ...unlike this one, which to me, is very vivid. I would suggest this be punctuated somewhat, but my tastes in punctuation, I've lately realized, isn't in vogue. Anyway--


Baby please listen
It's not like I'm selling crack
Like anyone on this block

You got your church clothes
Dirty again
Your abuela is gonna matarte I don't really know that many Spanish expressions, so though I recognized "abuela", I had to use THE POWER OF GOOGLE to find out what matarte meant. I'd go for the simpler (or rather, clearer) "kill you".

It's only a year lease baby
And look
We're only steps from the G Even though I get the whole image of these baby snippets, I somehow feel that they're out of place, not really because of the image, but because of the whole "baby" (as in, just the word) thing. Makes them feel like snippets from another poem. Maybe add some more to this whole scene?

Your tio Raul is out today

Seth just texted me about this rooftop party I like the contrast between these two lines, but that'd be sharper if they were combined in one stanza, and separated by em dash. They're not really that whole....


....like the whole image of the gentrification thing. I get a lot of the Latino side in the preceding stanzas, but barely anything of the gentrification aspect. Although, in fact, a lot of the Latino side is also kind of empty, too, since they seem to depend too much on just bits of Spanish (which many of your readers might not get).

Please no piensen en ayer "Please don't think of yesterday", saith the might tongue of Google! (not a crit)

Do I really have to call Raul for our shit,
again? Eh? I don't get this.


Overall, I get the images, and I sort of see how you're trying to contrast the aspects of the neighborhood, but a lot of the images are a bit undeveloped. The snippet-y feel is nice, but the snippets themselves could (should) be more, both in number and in color. And I'm sort of missing the "Summer" element here -- no images of the actual season, nor any elements of hot (summery) tension, a la "Do the Right Thing".