04-17-2015, 01:49 AM
There is much to love in this minimalistic piece. I don't really mind the ambiguity inside the poem itself, but the title is giving me issues as well. I'd like for it to be a summation perhaps...or a better explanation if that makes any sense at all.
In the first section, the 2nd stanza is my favorite image of all, but the arrangement of words themselves bother me. It's almost a misplaced modifier...I don't like to rework others' shit, but I think that's the only way I go here. I would write it like this probably:
Outside my house,
I walk on the lines of my poems.
May not be as whimsical, but it is more clear. Up to you, maestro. I'll keep thinking on a title but it may help if you clue me in a bit.
love ya,
mel
In the first section, the 2nd stanza is my favorite image of all, but the arrangement of words themselves bother me. It's almost a misplaced modifier...I don't like to rework others' shit, but I think that's the only way I go here. I would write it like this probably:
Outside my house,
I walk on the lines of my poems.
May not be as whimsical, but it is more clear. Up to you, maestro. I'll keep thinking on a title but it may help if you clue me in a bit.
love ya,
mel