Browsing through the Blue (final edit)

[RiverNotch]

Thanks for the feedback!

Sickness, silence, sorrow, and sleep, Very depressing stuff >.< My reading of this poem is that the narrator has a wall with pictures of their loved ones and that they are reflecting on those pictures and the inevitability that those loved ones will be faced with the tragedies innate to life. It may not even be a physical wall, but something mental or spiritual. anyway left me 2 cents below. Thnx for sharing, hope this helps 

You could say that....When I wrote this, I was envisioning facebook, but this thought works just as well.

Someday, my wall  Is this separation intentional? I kinda want all the stanzas to be the same No it isn't! Changed accordingly.

will be filled not with baby butt-faces
or future models striking poses future models, like people who will be models in the future or models from the future? The baby line before this 1 has me thinking the former Both ideas work, I suppose, but yes, the former. I don't think I really need to clarify here.
but with sickness. I like how through out the poem you contrast the darker things like "sickness", with more light hearted bits like "baby butt-faces" it has a sorta chiaroscuro effect

Someday, my wall
will be filled not with pictures of yummy cake
or memetically calculated heartache I've never heard the word memetically before, it draws a lot of attention to this line This was written quite a long way back, so I don't exactly remember what "memetically" means, either. It's not a 'real word', though, in the sense that 'funner' isn't a real word: it has meaning, and it could be considered grammatically correct, but it's sort of just a construction from the word 'memetic', I think. Best explanation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memetics
Keep in mind that with the whole 'facebook' idea, 'memetically' basically means 'as related to internet memes', which, again, I think works just as well.
As for the word drawing attention to the line, do you think it's unhealthy? I've noticed it, too, but I can't be sure whether, in this case, it's bad or not -- if you think it is, I'll consider changing it.
but with silence.

Someday, my wall
will be filled not with jovial bits of distraction
or the elements of procrastination This stanza has less imagery then the last two. What you write is clear, but i'd rather experience it through more images I think. Good point. I'll revise this stanza, then.
but with sorrow.

Someday, my wall
will be filled not with your dirty messes
or your nightly struggle for successes This line seemed a bit vague, I dont know who "your" is or what their nightly struggle is  This stanza definitely continues the general muddiness of the earlier. I got kinda rant-y at this point, hence the unnecessary "you", and 'nightly struggle' is meant to involve a sense of insomnia, but I guess that didn't work. I'll revise this whole stanza, then, make this a more proper conclusion....
but with sleep. Sleep seems like a good ending, makes me think of death ....but for this line, which I agree is a good ending -- this really is meant to evoke the spirit of death.  

I don't really have anything else to respond with, and to summarize, in this case, would be to be redundant. I gotta say, though, I'm glad your reading was almost spot-on, and even in the parts where it wasn't (your general though on what the wall here was, for instance), it still worked. Again, thanks for the feedback!