04-10-2015, 11:29 AM
(03-31-2015, 02:51 PM)bogpan Wrote: A person is roundHi: I'm sorry, but I don't have an idea of what you are trying to get at. Except there may be a theme of mud becoming clean. Your first four lines are perplexing. How does roundness relate to mud or cleanliness. Are you talking about poor vision being cleansed by whitewashing? Are you saying that whiteness piles up by layers? The one accuracy I see here is it is true; as far as the thesaurus says there is no exact word for mud-what is the significance to that? And, your punctuation is either partial or non-existent. If you are serious, try to make your thoughts relate to one another, within a few lines; if the title is "A Person is Round";
(there is no word for mud)
“God is round”
(whitewash my eyes, the poor ones)
it piles up
a layer after
a layer
whiteness
and it gets clean
you could talk about that, instead of whiteness. Somehow you need to get your words and thoughts to relate to one another. Think about each thought more deeply; or discuss it with someone to expand you expression. I do wish you good luck, and appreciate that you are making an attempt here. If you want to write or express yourself, do keep trying and seek out techniques with advice.
Good luck, Loretta

