04-03-2015, 04:23 AM
(04-03-2015, 12:56 AM)ellajam Wrote: Hi, Ben, welcome to the site. I have to say I'm enjoying this, the whole focus on apples makes me laugh, I can't help it. I suppose the apple could represent sin and make the poem more serious, but as is I just find it fun. The aabb rhymes scheme keeps it lighthearted too, if that's not what you intended you might consider altering it. You've got a strong hold on the meter, just a few tripping points. A few notes are below, thanks for the read.I am glad that someone figured out that this was not meant to be a serious poem. Perhaps it was not made clear enough in the wording, but I found the thought of such hatred for such a simple, stupid thing (for no apparent reason) amusing. I wrote this entirely jokingly though the interpretations on it were interesting, I will admit.
(04-02-2015, 01:44 AM)Hitler Wrote: Apples, apples, oh how they make me cry.
When I taste their sweet flesh, I thirst to die. Thirst to die is odd phrasing.
Their deep scarlet hue fills me with sorrow;
I hope to see no apples tomorrow.
I carry a torch, but no need for sight,
against apples, I continue my fight.
From eating of apples, to smoldering trees,
I carry my flame through the winter breeze.
As I find now out, my war is in vain find out now
"Too many trees!" I succumb to my pain.
If I cannot slay them, then I must go.
Now I say goodbye to all of my woe.
When the ripened apple falls from the tree,
I see it plunging off this cliff with me.
As down down I go, to the rocky shore,
Thank God I will think of apples no more.

