04-01-2015, 04:15 PM
The revisions are great, you improved the readability and flow of the poem tenfold.
At the beginning the narrator is so caught up in his love that he knows she MUST feel the same about him, for they have such a special bond. By the end it is realized that he is just one of many adoring writers at the shop, whom she cares nothing for.
I love the revised poem, it is simple, easy, and provides a crisp image of the many admirers. The repitition of thick frames in the fourth stanza is a little disruptive, but I personally after a few minutes could not think of any possible way to alleviate that without messing it up in some bigger way, though someone else might think of something.
Great poem and good luck!
At the beginning the narrator is so caught up in his love that he knows she MUST feel the same about him, for they have such a special bond. By the end it is realized that he is just one of many adoring writers at the shop, whom she cares nothing for.
I love the revised poem, it is simple, easy, and provides a crisp image of the many admirers. The repitition of thick frames in the fourth stanza is a little disruptive, but I personally after a few minutes could not think of any possible way to alleviate that without messing it up in some bigger way, though someone else might think of something.
Great poem and good luck!