04-01-2015, 04:59 AM
Thank you so much for all those useful opinions and I am trying to improve by writing more.
I have amended it and I hope to see the comments on this
Midnight Afloat
At night thou want to take thy stroll in town,
and tuck the ache away with fearless sound.
A mellow beam with blink in eyes remains,
to catch the sight of how to make a change.
The scars of pride embrace the doubt of past,
the joy with spark ascends from gorge of dark.
thou gaze thy pain and gape at how it sinks,
a jar of teary time is gone with rain.
A ride on train departs to other will,
“Do not be scared.” the pilgrim smirks with pill,
the noise below the ground rewinds the mind.
“Are we condemned to find the signs of life?”
perhaps it shows, in time the dread will go,
the broken brick, will lead to countless roads.
I have amended it and I hope to see the comments on this
Midnight Afloat
At night thou want to take thy stroll in town,
and tuck the ache away with fearless sound.
A mellow beam with blink in eyes remains,
to catch the sight of how to make a change.
The scars of pride embrace the doubt of past,
the joy with spark ascends from gorge of dark.
thou gaze thy pain and gape at how it sinks,
a jar of teary time is gone with rain.
A ride on train departs to other will,
“Do not be scared.” the pilgrim smirks with pill,
the noise below the ground rewinds the mind.
“Are we condemned to find the signs of life?”
perhaps it shows, in time the dread will go,
the broken brick, will lead to countless roads.