Sight Jammed

[Erthona]

Forgive me, I just had to see what it looked like when lineated as a poem.
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My pitiful eyes lie in surprise,
for the world is all around me.
So softly stuck inside a jar,
they found a lie and marked it with my name.
They saw me?
No, but status quo
stuffed deeply to the lid.
These eyes of lies,
so lost inside,
creeped out then left me in.
I found myself not stuck but stocked,
unable to begin.
Such mass perspective lost,
and as such,
was mass perspective gained.
What wasn't in my view,
from twilight view was framed.
From finite to infinity,
the seen became the scene,
creating what I could think,
what I could write,
what I could read,
and what little I could form,
formed me.
Not only what I wasn't,
but what I wasn't supposed to be.
So, desperately,
my eyes, like water from the sea,
slowly returned to me
from far off mountains
through tiny streams
and finally I can see.

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Now some inline:

My pitiful eyes lie in surprise,
for the world is all around me.
So softly stuck inside a jar,
they found a lie, and  (moved line down)
then marked it with my name.
They saw me?
No, but status quo
stuffed deeply to the lid. (either stuck to the lid, or stuffed deeply in the lid.)
These eyes of lies, (well I guess that's one way to get around saying "lying eyes")
so lost inside,
creeped crept out then left me in. (Doesn't really make much sense. Crept out of where, left you where?)
I found myself not stuck but stocked, (I submit if the speaker were in stocks, then he was also stuck, the same is basically stocked, as on a shelf)
unable to begin.
Such mass perspective lost;
as such,
was mass perspective gained. (I've lost all perspective on this sentence)
What wasn't in my view,
from twilight view was framed. (I have no idea)
From finite to infinity, (from finitude to infinity, or from the finite...)
the seen became the scene, (cheesy)
creating what I could think,
what I could write,
what I could read,
and what little I could form,
formed me. (maybe something like, "what little I could manifest, to manifest myself in me")
Not only what I wasn't,
but what I wasn't supposed to be.
So, desperately,
my eyes, like water from the sea,
slowly returned to me
from far off mountains
through tiny streams (what does any of this description have to do with anything?)
and finally I can see.

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There seem to be many platitude like sentences here, that at first seem to be saying something profound. For example: "Not only what I wasn't, but what I wasn't supposed to be." This would be perfectly fine if it were attached to something, but it isn't. Had the writer taken the time before this point to expand the characterization of the speaker, this could have made sense, but as is, it is being said in a void. In fact that characterizes most of this poem. The speaker continuously speaks of himself (gender neutral), but only in generalities. By the end of the poem a person really knows no more than when the poem started.  

"Such mass perspective lost"  How does this follow what came before? And then to the whole phrase:

"Such mass perspective lost,
and as such,
was mass perspective gained."

If the speaker said,

"What quantity of perspective lost,
and as such
what quality of perspective gains." 

It does not follow that one can have the lost something and as a result an equal gain of that same something. It does make sense in terms of perspective that what someone loses in terms of quantity, such as part of a limited world view, may be replaced with a less comprehensive but more accurate view. In such a case the loss is a result of the gaining of the new perspective which pushes out the old one rather than vice versa.

As this is in Novice, I've already exceeded what I should do, so I'll stop.


Dale