An Old Book

[cjchaffin]

I am not the greatest man,
so she says: "you are here". <-- i keep tripping up on this; i think you could phrase it better and lose the quotation marks
She will settle like the dust <-- maybe a comma after "settle" would help the metaphor sink in; lose "the" before dust
on an old book,
re-read too many times to open up again.

-BW BRINE

i wouldn't dare rewrite your poem, but a suggestion to clarify a few hiccups would look something like this:

I am not the greatest man,
yet she knows I will always be here;

she will settle, like dust on an old book
re-read too many times to open up again.


just a suggestion to use or lose. i think the metaphor is a solid one, it just gets tangled up in the phrasing and needs to be set free