summer, 1984 (my twelfth year)

[cjchaffin]

Tonight,
Dad said that I could sleep out back under the stars.
I'm pretending that the night sky is my ceiling
and the full moon is a brand new light.

I agree with the other two critiques.

Nice idea. Nice clear idea. Unfortunately the writing is not as clear as the idea, but that is just a matter of time and work.

Best,

Dale

thanks for weighing in, Dale. i like what you did there, that clears things up. i'll try and post an edit here soon. i appreciate the critique!