03-19-2015, 11:40 AM
(01-20-2015, 05:24 AM)Utnapishtim Wrote: P.D.Q. This title doesn't mean anything to me. Quick google search suggested it might stand for 'pretty darn quickly'.Well done, some strong metaphors and interesting line breaks. An enjoyable read
What do you do
If the trouble arises from a choice
One has already sealed
And mailed off long ago,
Like parcels to world’s end? I disagree with first_high_of_the_day, I think this is a strong line (but maybe I'm a melodramatic person).
A driver sees an alley,
Travels down it,
And soon finds it too narrow.
The price for going forward is bodywork.
If ego and a wallet were on similar scales
He might live with gnarly scratches,
Or toss his cash to craftsmen.
The meaning of the second half of this stanza isn't clear to me (after line 4). Are you saying that if this person was as proud as they are rich then it would be a toss up as to whether they'd fix the car's scratches or not? If that's your intention it would make more sense to say something like: if ego and a wallet balanced the scale.
His ears adjust to shrieks of metal,
The scarring, as well as the scarred. The scarred what?
Our bulk ruins the brickwork
Of boundaries enshrining us on either side.
Backing out never occurs to a lead foot.
We park ourselves therein, surrender 'Therein' sticks out as an oddly formal word compared to the rest.
To destination’s ego, having begged, Is there a meaning behind the repetition of the idea of ego here?
Borrowed, and stolen to get here.
Bad things do transpire when terrible people
Aren’t smart enough to run.
What’s so wrong with the direction
Of his origin?
Who did he disappoint last year?
These freedoms we named choice
Are seedlings grown into folly's foliage The use of a seedling as an image doesn't mesh with the rest of the poem for me - images of cars, bricks, letters (non-organic things).
Marking the way to one point in terminus.
To lower the eyes bows the head.
He shakes his hands off of the 10, and the 2. I don't think the ambiguity in this line (not knowing what you mean by 'the 10' or 'the 2') helps the poem.
He holds his palms together as in the desperation
Of single-minded closing.
He knows that the reopening of either,
Or both,
Won’t change the past obstructing him.
Only the thumps of his heart run now.
.My interpretation was that the poem is about past choices leading you to difficult (and inescapable) situations in the future, and how you deal with them. This impression came to me on the first read, so I didn't have difficulty finding meaning like others have commented. If this is what you intended I think it'll come through easily once the oddly written lines are tidied up.

