A hobo's remainder

[tectak]

This one was actually a song I wrote but i thought it sounded quite nice!
I hope you enjoy the read

Walking down at night
dark ev'ning skies
Cold air hits my face
enter its harsh embrace

some man shot dead
right in the head
blood dripping down
hits cold hard stone

his hands worn dark
his clothes but trash
his face... now full of lead
useless now the old bums stash

His Uke laid down
taken right...  from his hand
he lays face down
stopped the song of a peaceful land

some man shot dead
right in the head
blood dripping down
hits cold hard stone

Cries weeping out
a sad song to be heard
a voice sings loud
his son sings slurred

Hello,
This is posted in Novice and rightly so. Let me be quite honest with you. No. I did not "enjoy" anything about it. There is absolutely nothing to commend it. Now, to begin at the beginning, this is a poetry site.What you post here, not too much to expect,should be in at least some sense "poetic". Let's start there. What is poetic in your writing? Do you think it is your rhyming skill. night, skies? down, stone?dark, lead?down, down? OK. It does not need to rhyme...so don't...or do. This random rhyming smacks of laziness or inability. So if you can, do...if you can't, don't.
What about meter? Have you heard the term...I ask kindly? You make no attempt. Metaphor? What is it that makes the "story" interestingly complex enough to require metaphorical imagery? This is just a repetitive statementalising of a mundane occurence. A man got shot in the head and bled then his son sang.
Enough. Take your thematic concept and find a core metaphor. Build on it. Bring imagery into the piece. Show me emotion in words that will make me see what you are seeing...don't tell the reader, show the reader.
Read more poetry. Read your OWN poetry out loud.
Do not give up.
Best,
tectak
Edit this using punctuation to clarify meaning. As it is, is sounds like a collation of very few words arranged by a demented but considered exceptional dolphin. All the words make sense but so what.