03-18-2015, 05:26 AM
Nice poem! I really liked how it flowed and that you kept it short so as not to overdo the idea.
To fix the double use of "I" perhaps you can use "Merely mortal, I cannot stand"
Also just as a note, for me, the last stanza initially didn't read as well as the others particularly the
"To deities as these.
The pantheon stands much too strong,"
But after a couple reads I think I understood the rhythm you were going for and it was great.
To fix the double use of "I" perhaps you can use "Merely mortal, I cannot stand"
Also just as a note, for me, the last stanza initially didn't read as well as the others particularly the
"To deities as these.
The pantheon stands much too strong,"
But after a couple reads I think I understood the rhythm you were going for and it was great.