Sight Jammed

[hopefularahant]

My pitiful eyes lie in surprise, for the world is all around me. So softly stuck inside a jar, they found a lie and marked it with my name. They saw me? No, but status quo stuffed deeply to the lid. These eyes of lies, so lost inside, creeped out then left me in.  I found myself not stuck but stocked, unable to begin. Such mass perspective lost, and as such, was mass perspective gained. What wasn't in my view,  from twilight view was framed. From finite to infinity, the seen became the scene, creating what I could think, what I could write, what I could read, and what little I could form, formed me. Not only what I wasn't, but what I wasn't supposed to be.  So, desperately, my eyes, like water from the sea, slowly returned to me from far off mountains through tiny streams, and, finally, I can see.

Firstly, youre word play is well written, and the rhyme shceme keeps itself together and avoids seeming forced, which is good. Though the block paragraph format makes the poem so so so so much more difficult to read, because i cannot recognize stanzas or lines, or end rhymes, or what is what. Also the stamzas allow your spread of ideas to seems more nicely spread and less jerky. also, The poems meaning is lost in some of the oddly worded sections. From what i gather, when i read, this poem is about looking at things from a new perspective, and about freedom from the oppression of repetitive life, "stuck in a jar". A great idea, well penned and with some very simple changes, could easily be improved alot.