Now that this is not in the Serious Workshop, I can quite happily say that I enjoyed the poem itself and its premise -- however, rhyme and meter are bedfellows by necessity. You mention a metronome rather derisively, as if keeping a beat is a bad thing. Metric poetry turns easily into song, and I've never heard anyone say that a drummer should just play whatever beat he feels like. Meter is your drum. It does not have to always stay the same, but any departures must be clearly deliberate and not just the sign of someone who hasn't practised enough.
Because I have occasionally written metered poetry, and have been known to rhyme once or twice, I have left a few resources around the site explaining how and why it's done. So has milo. Sometimes, if we're very fortunate, Erthona imparts wisdom also. You may find this thread on narrative poetry to be of some use, for even though your poem is not a narrative, the same metric principles apply. Additionally, milo's Basic Metric Exercises thread is certainly worth a read and a bit of practise.
The tetrameter/trimeter alternating line combination that you refer to is called a hymnal stanza or, as has been pointed out, common measure. Amazing Grace does indeed fit that perfectly. On a related note, iambs may also be headless, i.e. missing the unstressed syllable (generally only one on a line or we won't still call it iambic), which would change the syllable count that beginning poets always seem so hung up on. There are many permissible substitutions. It is not the entire syllable count that matters in meter so much as the number of stressed syllables -- naturally stressed syllables, that is, not squished up together so that we have to force them to fit.
As to the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Coleridge is well known for metric deviations and mixed meter in his poems. He was a master of using meter to control pace and mood. Nothing was accidental and nothing was due to ignorance. There are, therefore, stanzas in the Rime that are not hymnals -- but there are enough in perfect tetrameter/trimeter to consider this his dominant meter and those stanzas alone are quoted as examples, like this one:
Thank you for continuing this discussion, which should be valuable not only to yourself, but to others who may be making the same missteps.
Because I have occasionally written metered poetry, and have been known to rhyme once or twice, I have left a few resources around the site explaining how and why it's done. So has milo. Sometimes, if we're very fortunate, Erthona imparts wisdom also. You may find this thread on narrative poetry to be of some use, for even though your poem is not a narrative, the same metric principles apply. Additionally, milo's Basic Metric Exercises thread is certainly worth a read and a bit of practise.
The tetrameter/trimeter alternating line combination that you refer to is called a hymnal stanza or, as has been pointed out, common measure. Amazing Grace does indeed fit that perfectly. On a related note, iambs may also be headless, i.e. missing the unstressed syllable (generally only one on a line or we won't still call it iambic), which would change the syllable count that beginning poets always seem so hung up on. There are many permissible substitutions. It is not the entire syllable count that matters in meter so much as the number of stressed syllables -- naturally stressed syllables, that is, not squished up together so that we have to force them to fit.
As to the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, Coleridge is well known for metric deviations and mixed meter in his poems. He was a master of using meter to control pace and mood. Nothing was accidental and nothing was due to ignorance. There are, therefore, stanzas in the Rime that are not hymnals -- but there are enough in perfect tetrameter/trimeter to consider this his dominant meter and those stanzas alone are quoted as examples, like this one:
Quote:He holds him with his skinny hand,
'There was a ship,' quoth he.
'Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.
Thank you for continuing this discussion, which should be valuable not only to yourself, but to others who may be making the same missteps.
It could be worse