03-04-2015, 05:52 PM
i know this is in serious tom but no line by from me. in general each line holds the promise of a well imaged poem and in truth it seems to be. i understood all the word use [went to horticultural college when i was in approve school; no joke) the problem for me is it feels overloaded with indoor gardening, more so than it does with the man. i want as the reader to be interested by/in this person who grows things. who creates life, how does he think what does he feel (i'm presuming he's not dead yet) i want to be more interested on the images of the poem. while they read well enough they don't really hold me. i know you prefer the longer line but for me it's restricting what the ebb and flow of the poem could be. there's no or little drama. nothing where i hold my breath or go ...yeah i get it. finally i think you could tirm some of reinforcing.
[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.
Not even one great, golden star......
there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]
[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.
Not even one great, golden star......
there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]