Salad Blues, winter leaves. edit 1.005,milo,billy,merc,erthona,fromcancer

[tectak]

Overall, I do like this poem, as a sort of seasonal work. However, sometimes I think some complicated phrasing and forced vocabulary bar the poem's ability to relate its message to the reader. The title is really interesting. I particularly like the phrase "Salad Blues" it implies not only sadness, but a growing coldness that runs throughout the poem.

Hi from,
First of all,to make the point, google Salad Blue
OK. Semicolons. Fundamental disagreement. The semicolon can be, and more often than not is,  used to link connected clauses. Sentences would more likely benefit from conjunctions or commas but NOT always. Even lists can be seperated by semicolons when the only connection is that the items are IN the list.(https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Semicolons.html) Nonetheless, I overuse semicolons and am in a large club. Why? Well, this is poetry...not an excuse for faulty grammar...and so the second use for semicolons comes in to play. Semicolons and colons introduce pauses. You can research this use yourself.( John  Whale, "Put it in Writing")
I give you credit for your "pendulate" observation.My excuse is in the words that follow. I thought that breasts might pull you in, but no.You have seen an egg-plant? Pendulate is a swing too far perhaps. I may have even made the word up. It will change methinks. Credit.
Tails-tales.Pun. Failed. Credit. Tell tales and tell-tails didn't do it for you?
I am inclined to leave the end alone. The whole thing is lengthily pensive and the pathos at the bitter end is transient. I hope you can see that.
Excellent crit. Changes coming.
Best,
tectak
Note. I checked up pendulate. I didn't make it up...I meant swinging like pendulums and so I was wrong when I said I was wrong...right?
tectak

Just a final note on pendulate, I pointed it out just because it's the wrong part of speech. You want to use pendular. Pendulate is a verb; pendular is the more appropriate adjectival form.

I am thinking "no eggplants (swinging like pendulums)[verb] and purple-breasted" not " no eggplants ( pendulumish)[adj.] and purple-breasted"
Hmmmmm. Is that a problem? I think maybe there is a no-and conflict in my version. I will look at it.
Best and thanks,
tectak