Red White and Blue

[hopefularahant]

Red white and blue, the cardinal and the jay,
crows <<should this be crowds? I was slightly confuseddressed in black are more fitting today.

Under ghost grey she hangs limp at half mast
as two rows of three escort him past.

Breath through the bugle,her shoulders fall slack,
those twenty four notes will not bring him back.

Red white and blue is now folded by six
a gift for a loss that nothing can fix.

though i understand that this is a military funeral, i still felt very little at reading this poem, the lines didnt bring me to any sort of emotion.  Also, some of your lines are written in dactyl, (red white and blue is now folded by six) (breath through the bugle her shoulders fall slack) though others are not.  It takes away from the rythm.  Theres alot of great directions this poem could go, if you add a meter to more lines, and maybe a stanza or two with more feeling. Though take my words with a grain of salt