In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl

[SameName]

I've changed it up a bit based on all the great feedback. I took out the parentheticals, it got too confusing to try to work with them, I can only imagine how it must have felt to read them. Let me know what you think of the new draft!

In Love with The Coffeeshop Girl

Every morning
I order a double Americano and a fresh pastry,
and write about The Coffeeshop Girl.

I'm in love with The Coffeeshop Girl.
I know she feels the same.

I say, 'good morning!'
She winks and asks, 'the usual?'
I smile and leave a tip.

I sit by the window behind a notebook and thick frames.
Another notebook with thick frames sits at the counter,
more thick frames with laptops sit at tables.

They say, "good morning!"
She winks and asks, "the usual?"
They smile and leave a tip.

They all order double Americanos,
eat fresh pastries,
and write about The Coffeeshop Girl.

first draft

Every morning I order a double americano
(So refined!)
and a fresh pastry,
(How continental!)
and write poems about The Coffeeshop Girl.
(He's probably writing a novel...)

The Coffeeshop Girl and I are in love but we're both too shy to admit it.
We tell each other in subtle ways.
I say things like "Good Morning." I smile. I leave a tip.
She says things like "the usual?" and "have a nice day!"

I sit by the window behind a notebook and thick frames.
Another notebook with thick frames sits at the counter, more thick frames with laptops sit at tables.
They say things like "Good Morning." They smile. They leave a tip.
She says things like "the usual?" and "have a nice day!"

We all order double americanos.
(So predictable!)
We all eat the fresh pastries.
(How cliché!)
We write all poems about The Coffeeshop Girl.
(He's probably just like the rest...)
We're all in love with The Coffeeshop Girl.

I don't know if its just how I read this post but I was lost halfway through. but the image was described very well. once again im not sure if its how I read it. around when you said "they say good morning"