A Hot Pink Crayon

[Leah S.]

A Hot Pink Crayon

The doctor gave to me 'gave to me' makes me think of the 12 days of Xmas
The small blue pills and white orange caps well, are the caps white or orange?
and promised that they’d fix my broken parts. what broken parts?

The doctor gave to me
What all my life they thought I’d need – if 'they,' then 'doctors,' in above line; also the inversion sticks in my craw.
to take the crayons, and color in the lines. "The doctor gave to me to take the crayons, and color in the lines." Take the parenthetical phrase out and that's how your syntax renders the sentence. Hopefully that wasn't your intention.

The doctor gave to me
Allowance in florescent pills – (fluorescent) 'Allowance is ambiguous; as in 'make allowances' or as in a sum granted to a subordinate or child, which is what you imply in the next line.
to spend on someone new to replace me. the metaphor of medication as a child's allowance falls flat; I don't get where you're going with it.

The doctor gave to me
Assurance that the pills would stay you haven't rhymed up till now, why start?
My life would end if the pills went away. I don't worry about my pills running off; they pretty much stay put, without requiring any reassurance from my doctor.

The doctor took from me how did he take it; why did you let him; who is this 'doctor' anyway?
A spectacular spectrum of colors!
Electric and vivid, mingling together, pulsing and vibrating, creating an anthem or a lullaby. if you're going to bring sound into it, it's awful late in the poem to do it.
To laugh sincerely, to love childishly.
To skid a hot pink crayon across the coloring book and to exclaim “how beautiful!”

Is this poem about somebody sick who's admiring the pretty colors of his pills, or a child medicated into dull apathy, or are these drugs antipsychotics and the patient a schizophrenic? I really would like to know.
If there is any particular significance to the Hot Pink Crayon, I've missed it. Did you have some intended inference the reader was supposed to make?  
If I understand your intention, it was to describe the 'dulling down' of the world that a person on some types of mental health drugs experiences, and to show the loss of the vivid colors and experiences of the narrator, leaving him with no color in his (or her) life but the tawdry, garish colors of the pills he has to take. Not a bad idea for a poem, but you're definitely not there yet. So far there isn't anything in this poem to grab my attention and make me care. Carry on. Leah