A Hot Pink Crayon

[onepapa]

A Hot Pink Crayon

The doctor gave to me
The small blue pills and white orange caps
and promised that they’d fix my broken parts.

The doctor gave to me
What all my life they thought I’d need –
to take the crayons, and color in the lines.

The doctor gave to me
Allowance in florescent pills –
to spend on someone new to replace me.

The doctor gave to me
Assurance that the pills would stay
My life would end if the pills went away.

The doctor took from me
A spectacular spectrum of colors!
Electric and vivid, mingling together, pulsing and vibrating, creating an anthem or a lullaby.
To laugh sincerely, to love childishly.
To skid a hot pink crayon across the coloring book and to exclaim “how beautiful!”

I like the sentiment of this poem.

Your punctuation is random, sometimes you do it and sometimes you don't. I suggest you punctuate properly everywhere and if you don't want to do that, don't punctuate at all.

The last strophe uses too many clichés or close clichés.

You might try breaking the last strophe into two three line strophe, using "The doctor took from me" as an additional line since you have that theme throughout.

I am a big fan of clear poetry and this is very clear but it lacks sufficient poetic devices to make it feel like poetry rather than prose. I think that is a matter of syntax and making more use of assonance and consonance and showing more and telling less.

The best part of this poem is that is clearly tells the reader what you are feeling and the hot pink crayon is a very vivid device.

onepapa