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[hopefularahant]

Any feedback is welcome and much appreciated!




Long before scattered pages and cracked memories
made their home in these heart-houses,
there was a placed we each lived,
tattered and old, yet familiar.
Before long it became a distant place, unreachable.


Suddenly, in the midst of hurling tides that rattled my core,
I washed upon your shores like a drunken boat at sea,
my livelihood became a mirror of what it was before

Maybe this fate was written for us,
two perfect players whose webs intertwine like constellations;
This illuminance casts shadows over ever lonely corner.

Maybe we are to be blinded to all
but the universe reflected in the other's gaze.

Surely you were cast upon me
with wicked spells of infatuation
to grace me with heartstrings trailing behind me,
and if I fall they catch me. cradle me, create home for me.

This life has been blessed with your delicate soul,
your fire-glazed passions,
your winged mind that reaches the brim of humanity and returns unscathed.

Your radiating love compels me,
I finally return to that tattered home
with a guiding soul beside me.

Theres alot of heigthened language and poetic wordage in this poem that i like, but all of it feels disconnected because of the lost meaning. the poem is too poetic, so the meaning seems to be lost to anyone but the wrtier. also, your lines have lost alot of the flow due to the lack of meter. some of your lines are twice as long as the ones before them, and the syllables are all over the place. also, the line breaks seem to be very odddly placed in some cases, as well as the sanza lengths. theres not alot of symmetry, which i love in poetry, so that might just be my bent. other than that you have alot of good word choices, but too many intense words kind of was out all the others.