02-23-2015, 11:35 PM
I thought this was very interesting and I liked it a lot. Some of the rhymes towards the end seemed a little forced. I might also have been that a couple of the lines sounded a little awkward. The repeating pronouns in lines threw me off a little as well. Overall, I really liked it!
Whilst you are without doubt trying to provide critique you are getting asymtotically close to a one liner. This is NOT in any sense a warning but simply an observation. Try to be little more specific. It is what you would expect from crit of your own work. Mod
Whilst you are without doubt trying to provide critique you are getting asymtotically close to a one liner. This is NOT in any sense a warning but simply an observation. Try to be little more specific. It is what you would expect from crit of your own work. Mod